Before I began my keto transformation, pictures were painful for me. I would always try to take pictures so I wouldn’t have to be in them. When I was, I had my “hide the double chin” pose. IYKYK… I also would strategically hide behind people or pillows.
The sad thing is, I have deprived my son of pictures of us together because I deleted most of them because I “looked fat”. It was completely unfair to him and I wish I would have had enough self love to appreciate the skin I was in.
Let me tell you right now: THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN FROM WEIGHT LOSS ALONE.
Friends, we have to work on ourselves.
When you start this journey you go through a ton of emotions. First you’re pumped because THIS time it’s going to work. My first week of keto SUCKED ASS. I didn’t think keto flu was real, but it got me good.
I was wearing clothes that were uncomfortably tight (pronounced my pants were unbuttoned) because I refused to go up a size. I got tired of seeing the marks left in my skin from clothing not made for my body. Frustrated and often in tears in fitting rooms.
Then the weight starts to come off and you’re walking around with your pants on the ground (are you singing it now?).
It’s all fun and games until your fave bikini panties now look like granny panties.
One of the hardest things for me living the keto life has been allowing my mind to catch up with my body. After I lost 30lbs things were falling off me and yet I still felt I belonged in a larger size.
I went shopping with my twin sister to TJmaxx. I love to look, but hated trying on clothes before I lost weight. Now I know this had little to do with my physical weight loss and more to do with my internal dialog.
I was a mean ass bitch to myself. I spoke to myself in a way I would never speak to ANYONE. I didn’t deserve it. During this process I realised I had to fix some shit. Ya girl had (has) food and body image issues.
The first thing I had to address was my relationship with food. I ate my feelings. I medicated with food. I honestly think it’s taken almost 2 years for me to feel more confident in my relationship with food.
What I have worked on (and will always have to work on) is remembering that food is fuel. Some days I have to remind myself that I will not eat my feelings. I tend to be an emotional hoarder. I hold it all in. I know, not healthy, but baby steps.
I really feel like moving my body helped me with the food’s fuel portion. When I worked out hard and could see the calories burned it made some things less appealing because I didn’t want to work that hard to burn it off.
The second thing I had to work on was my internal dialog. It almost seemed normal to me to constantly criticize myself. The hubs would always compliment me, but I couldn’t see myself the way he did because I was too busy being a mean bitch.
I joke a lot, but when I tell you I was unkind to myself, I mean I was absolutely horrible. It took me a long time to fix this, even if I still have days where I slip up. Please be kind to yourself.
I started by making small changes. It felt yucky and awkward but I kept it up. I would pick one thing each week that I liked about myself (it could be anything). When I looked in the mirror I would say that positive thing in my head before the negative could creep in.
Why the ef is it so hard to say something kind about myself but I could criticize like a BOSS?
Addressing these issues have helped me not only lose weight, but be comfortable in my own skin. I still navigate to my old size. When I get things in my current size I still have times where I am afraid to try things on because I am worried they wont fit.
As weightloss happened I found myself hoarding a bunch of clothes that no longer fit. I don’t know why I had such a hard time letting go. This is my way of life, not a temporary fix. It’s like having a broken down car in your driveway because someday you might need it.
I struggle accepting my size and I think it will be something I will struggle with for some time. Being aware of the behavior and acknowledging is a positive step.
I have purged a lot of clothes. I kept a lot for over a year thinking I would go back to my carby ways, but you know what. I want it. I want it bad. My running mantra is a constant reminder that I choose health.
My desire to be healthy is stronger than my desire to quit
I have choices when it comes to clothes now. I am finding a new sense of style because of it. Ya girl is wearing patterns now!
Your weight isn’t what really matters, but it took the process of me losing weight to figure out the problem was me. This is why you see people who are super thin and miserable and fuller figured women happy. You have to fix your relationship with YOU.
Your weight loss journey is a personal one and people will have a ton of advice (and probably some criticism). Haters gonna hate. Remember this is YOUR story.
You have to do what works for you, but if you don’t fix yourself you won’t be able to maintain this lifestyle, more importantly you’re just going to feel like garbage. Remember food is fuel and if you wouldn’t say it to your bestie don’t you dare say is to yourself!